Your Guide to Getting to the Heart of Middle Space
If the term "little space" never felt right to you, then here's something to try on for size:
Middle space.
How do you feel? Still trying it out?
While the term might sound foreign at first, by the end of this piece, you'll understand middle space, like the back-of-your-hand.
Then it's high-time we get elbows-deep, in this subset of CGl dynamics!
What Is a BDSM Middle?
Before we get to far, let's cover exactly what a BDSM middle is.
A middle is someone who takes on a teen- or pre-teen-like mindset or role.
If that sounds ridiculously similar to a BDSM little, well, you're right.
A little is someone who takes on a child-like mindset or role.
To put it simply, the most obvious difference is age.
Littles are typically aged newborn-to-10
Middles are typically aged 11-to-17
Some people use use slightly different categories.
But, this is the most common cut-off, as it's often in-line with the ages of primary/elementary school students, versus those in middle school/junior high.
Here are some other names you might've heard:
- Lolita/lolita girl
- Coquette
- Nyphm/nymphette
Keep in mind that just because some middles identify with these terms, they're not accepted by everyone.
Another note:
Many middles are bratty, but not all of them are.
If you've got a brat on your hands, then our guide to taming brats is exactly what you need! The download link is a little further down this post.
While mental age is a big indicator of what to expect of a middle, don't get too comfortable--middles have loads of surprises, up their sleeves.
What the Heck is Middle Space?
With the differences between a middle and little out-of-the-way, we can now focus on what exactly is middle space?
At its core, middle space is the headspace someone takes on, as their kinky identity.
In less jargon-y words, it's a state-of-mind.
That means a middle quite literally regresses into an age younger than the one Mother Nature gave them.
Now, there's a MASSIVE caveat we need to cover:
Ageplay.
Ageplay is a kink, where someone acts like an age younger than their "real" age. The key word being "acts".
It's easy to assume middles act like, well, pre-teens and teens. In many cases, you'd be correct--with just as many cases being incorrect.
That's because middle space does not require someone to act the way they feel. It's simply a mindset.
In other words, someone may think and process things as if they were still a middle or high-schooler. BUT, they may not necessarily act like one.
While it's easier to see this concept when a little drinks from a sippie, or uses a paci, middles still have their own set-of-behaviors, too.
Some of the most obvious include:
- Talking a certain way (like, like like...)
- Watching cartoons or teen shows
- Having a very distinct style/way they dress
- Sassiness, backed by shockingly good arguments
- Being more articulate
Keep in mind, this isn't remotely an all-encompassing list.
Another facet of middle space revolves around being sexual.
Just like some real-life teens/pre-teens are horny little monsters, others don't feel sexual at all. Or, it may fluctuate on a day-to-day basis.
In other words, there's no hard and fast rule, when it comes to a middle's sexual desires.
Let's talk about that for a second.
Power Exchanges 101
It's a common misconception that a lack of sex in a dynamic, means there's no power exchange in play. This is false.
Why?
Caregiver little dynamics require a power exchange.
Why?
Because they're a subset of Dominant/submissive (D/s) dynamics.
A power exchange occurs when someone gives up control to their partner, for a set-timeframe...or indefinitely.
On the surface, it can sound intimidating, as hell. But I promise it's not!
All it means is that 1 person gives up control, in some way, shape or form.
Therein lies the misconception:
Giving up control ≠ being sexual
In other words, it's handing over your decision-making, to someone else.
Power exchanges range from 1 single scene, to a 24/7 type-of-thing. The timeframe is irrelevant to your dynamic.
Now, you might be thinking, “Well, shoot! Our dynamic isn't sexual at all. It’s just a sweet, caring time. Neither one of us hands over control.”
And that's totally ok to have that though. In fact, it's a good thing because you feel so comfortable that it doesn't feel like a power exchange.
Power exchanges can come in the form of:
- General rules
- Monitoring social media activity
- Choosing what to wear
- Informing where you're going & who you're going with
No matter which ones you undertake in your dynamic, you should feel comfortable in handing over that power.
With the basics covered, we can get into some of the best parts of middle space:
Fun & fashion!
The Best Middle Space Fun Activities EVER
Every middle has different interests and favorite things to do--just like regular pre-teens/teens.
So, creating an all-encompassing list of awesome middle space activities is a dang-near impossible task.
Instead this is a general one, to use as a springboard!
- Playing video games
- Playing phone games/Apps
- Computer programming
- Design (Web design, digital art, graphics creation, etc.)
- Interior designing/redoing their room
- Drawing
- Coloring
- Activity Books
- Cooking
- Baking
- Jumping on trampolines
- Playing sports
- Watching sports
- Watching Netflix/TV
- Watching comedy sketches
- Swimming
- Going to the beach
- Making crafts
- Writing stories
- Reading books
- Doing puzzles
- Journaling
- Dancing
- Singing/songwriting
- Playing an instrument/being in a band
- Listening to music
- Laying out to tan
- Driving (if they're old enough!)
- Going to an arcade
That's just a fraction of what middles enjoy doing. Feel free to suggest new ones!
Here's a peek at some of the things they enjoy:
- Horses
- Pets
- Animals, in general
- Anime
- Manga
- Sports
- Politics
- Any school subject (Sociology, Literature, Math, Science, etc.)
- Astrology
- Fashion/style
- Reality TV
- Netflix/Hulu/Disney+/Other streaming service
- Music
- Makeup
Here are some general TV shows many middles enjoy. (Some are only meant for older middles, so watch out!)
- Are You Afraid of the Dark?
- Gilmore Girls
- Gossip Girl
- Pretty Little Liars
- Hannah Montana
- Wizards of Waverly Place
- iCarly
- Victorious
- Spongebob
- The Simpsons
- Family Guy
- Rick & Morty
- South Park
- Archer
- BoJack Horseman
- Big Mouth
- Keeping Up With the Kardashians
- Jersey Shore
- Queer Eye
- America's Next Top Model
- American Idol
- The Bachelor/Bachelorette
- RuPaul's Drag Race
- 90-Day Fiancé
- Real Housewives
- Great British Baking Show
- Nailed It
- Hell's Kitchen
- Chopped
- Jackass
- Tosh.0
Aaaaand some books and book series:
- Harry Potter series
- The Princess Diaries series (or anything by Meg Cabot!)
- Pretty Little Liars series
- The Hunger Games series
- Twilight series
- The Giver
- The Outsiders
- Lord of the Rings series
- Eragon series
- Percy Jackson series
- A Series of Unfortunate Events series
- The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series
- Just Listen (or really anything by Sara Dessen!)
- Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging
- The Perks of Being a Wallflower
- Divergent series
- The House of Scorpion
Again, this doesn't come close to touching everything middles enjoy. But, it should give you an idea of where to start!
As diverse as middle space activities are, so are their styles!
Middle Space DDlg Outfits to Rock Your Freakin’ Sock Off
Middles are opinionated. I know--shocker.
So, they're particular about what they where.
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find things they actually like.
That's why this section focuses on middle space DDlg outfits and clothes stores, to (hopefully!) find the right thing.
It's broken down by style, to make it easy!
(Some of these links may contain affiliate links. In no way do they affect you--I simply receive something for referring you!)
Cutesy/Kawaii
Romwe - They always have sales & discounts going on, so check back for more savings
SheIn - They have a similar vibe to Romwe, and offer a selection of plus-sizes, too
Dress Lily - They have everything from dresses to swimsuits, in so many awesome styles and sizes. Plus, there's always a deal or sale going on!
Web Undies - They're a middle's dream, with tons of character pajamas, lounge sets, ropes, and yes, undies. And, they offer plus size, too
Zkaka - They offer loads of amazing dance costumes & dresses--including ballerinas!
Cute Booty Lounge - They have tons of super bright, lounge wear, matching sets, dresses, leggings, and more!
Littlest Gift Shop - They're a shop geared towards DDlg, so there's tons of cute and kawaii gear!
Frosted So Sweet - They're an Etsy shop with loads of adorable, bright kawaii clothing options!
Say10Crafts - They're an Etsy shop with loads of amazing clothing, accessories, and decor. They have a large goth selection, amongst other themes
Around the House...
Wicked Temptations - They offer loungewear and sexy intimates for women & men, with a selection of plus sizes
Foxers - They have comfy undies for guys and girls, along with matching couples sets! Middles love matching...until they don't
Empress Mimi - They're the epitome of delicately sexy, soft lingerie. They also have jewelry and other accessories. Spin their wheel for a discount
Stocking Riot - They're a stocking, hose, and fishnet store. An awesome selection of styles and sizes!
Soft & Brutal - They're an Etsy shop, focused on sexy, see-through lingerie, as well as harnesses
Vintage Vibes
Zkaka - They offer loads of amazing a-line skirts, a la 1950s housewife, as well as dance costumes/dresses!
Wicked Kitty Designs - They're an Etsy shop, focused on the fetish lifestyle. Many cuts are super vintage/50s, with a sweet vibe
Steampunk & Goth
The Violet Vixen - They have an awesome selection of corsets, outwear, tops, bottoms, goggles, and other accessories! And they have a nice selection of goth clothing
Say10Crafts - They're an Etsy shop with loads of amazing clothing, accessories, and decor. They have a large goth selection, amongst other themes
Stocking Riot - They're a stocking, hose, and fishnet store. An awesome selection of styles and sizes!
Sporty
Cute Booty Lounge - They have tons of super bright, lounge wear, matching sets, dresses, leggings, and more!
The House - They're an outdoor sports company, and offer loads of clothing, too.
JN Designer - They're an Etsy shop with tons of bright, trippy designs on leggings & other athletic-type wear
Goofy/Funny/Ironic
I Hate Clowns - They're literally just a store dedicated to clown-hating apparel
Melmon Squad - They're an Etsy shop, featuring sexy, funny, and other relatable types of t-shirts.
Fashion-Forward
Pinky Chloe - They offer sexier styles, with a hippie vibe. A huge selection of dresses, as well as pants, shoes, and more.
Lulu's - They have an amazing selection of stylish clothing and shoes--including vegan shoes!
Rules for Middles
Middles aren't gonna be happy with this next part. Sorry 
But, like littles, they need rules, too.
The other thing to remember is a rule isn’t bad just because you don’t like it. I know I know. It stinks.
But some rules really are designed to help us.
I'm withering away inside, just like you, as I type this. Gross.
For me? It's laundry. God I hate laundry.
Anyway, back-on-track.
A Good rule is based on:
- Safety
- Helping a little achieve a goal
- Providing structure
- Furthering your dynamic
While many little and middle rules overlap, there's more "free reign" for a middle because, well, they're older 🤷🏻♀️
Safety Rules
Safety rules are about--you guessed it--safety!
Littles might be forgetful. But middles can be reckless.
They're smart enough to know what to do, but don't necessarily have the follow-through. That's where safety rules step in.
Some common middle space safety rules include:
- Telling Caregiver when you’re meeting up with someone
- Informing Caregiver when you arrive home/to your destination
- Voicing any concerns during playtime
While they might feel silly, they add an extra layer of "my middle's ok"--which makes both of your lives better!
Goal-Achieving Rules
Another obvious one! Goal-achieving rules help a middle reach a specific goal.
BUT,
Goal-based rules should only come from the middle. Even if a middle constantly complains about the same thing, but never asks for a rule, then there shouldn't be one in place.
That's not to say you ca't gently ask or nudge. But that's it. Middles dictate these rules. End of story.
Some of the more common ones are:
- Setting a workout routine
- Creating a meal plan & sticking to it
- Improving better organizational habits
These middle space rules typically make up a smaller portion of your rules--if you even have one at all.
General Structure Rules
Anything that doesn’t fall under the first 2 categories, goes under general structure.
These types of DDlg rules for middles are free reign for both parties, to strike the right structure for you both.
Some common ones are:
- Following a bed time
- Eating a certain number of meals
- Sending good morning/goodnight texts
- Certain chores
An important note: Chores are NOT rules. BUT, they can overlap!
Caregiver Rules
Ope...we're not done yet!
Remember there are *4* things CGl rules are based on?
That last one is your dynamic.
Caregiver rules fulfill that role. When a CG wants something specific from their little, a rule is implemented--as long as the middle agrees!
Here's a few examples:
- Caregiver chooses panties every day
- Sending a pic of your outfit to Caregiver
- Wearing a specific color, in some way
Like yin and yang, there's bad and good.
And thus, bad rules.
What's a "Bad" Middle Space Rule?
Bad rules encompass a big range of things, most of which are either harmful or unnecessary.
Lemme give you an example:
I had this particularly stupid rule, implemented by my first daddy.
I literally wasn't allowed to open my car door. I had to wait for him to come around and do it
Like?? 🙃
It was both incredibly inconvenient, and he didn't implement it consistently. He never punished if I didn't follow the rule, either.
So, it was a bad rule because it only 100% hindered. It's existence didn't make any sense.
As you can see, a bad rule doesn’t have to physically hurt someone. “Bad” can mean mean it makes your life worse, even for seemingly petty reasons.
Some other bad, non-malicious DDlg rules can include:
- Middle must satisfy themself before falling asleep
- Not permitting typos in a text message
- Caregiver must order food at a restaurant
Now, there are bad rules that are bad bad. I’m sure you can think of a few.
But, here are some to watch out for:
- Requiring a middle to stay a certain weight or size
- Not allowing a middle to cry
- Making a middle check in before they call or text friends or family
Every single one of these rules are designed to make the middle's life more difficult.
So, how do you avoid bad rules? Sit down and talk about it!
Discussing Your Dynamic In-Depth
Whenever you sit down for a rules for middles discussion, you should come to the table with a few things.
Middles:
Know what you want help with, whether it’s doing laundry, like me, or cleaning the bathroom. Be honest with yourself. Just because you hate it, doesn’t mean you won’t benefit from the structure.
Caregivers:
Understand that you might want a rule, but it might not work for your middle. In the same breath, learn to recognize where you need to lay-down-the-law, when they're merely whining. Be flexible and listen.
The key here is compromise and understanding.
...which ultimately leads to a smoother dynamic.
Another thing:
You don’t have to keep your original rules.
After all, you literally can't know what works, until you actually try then out!
You can add, subtract, or change any rule, at any time. These things aren’t permanent.
So, if one of you hates a specific rule, then it’s time to reconsider.
Why did you choose it in the first place? Does it need to be tweaked, or scrapped entirely?
Also:
Don’t go balls-out, when you first implement rules. I know you're super excited and it feels like a food idea.
But, less is more here. Pinky promise.
You can always add more. But, figuring out which ones to remove is a pain in the butt.
To keep you both happy about the whole process, keep it simple.
Lay it out, be honest, and you're on the right track.
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